I'm trying to think of exactly how far back to start, because it's all kind of relevant. I suppose I can sum up the early part by saying, it was very hard for Caleb and I to get pregnant. We had tried for almost a year and a half before finally being able to conceive. I have PCOS, which made it difficult for me to ovulate. It's amazing to think back on this because I think about how "back in the olden days" I probably would not have gotten pregnant. More than that however, and I know this goes for ever pregnancy, I would not have gotten pregnant if it wasn't in God's plan. He gave us this blessing, not by our doing or because we deserved it, but because his plan is bigger than we can even see and I'm excited to see us and Lydia in that picture.
So, flash forward to my third trimester, which, unfortunately was not a breeze like my first two. I could hardly sleep, was terribly achy and worse of all, my feet and ankles were so swollen that they couldn't fit into anything but flip flops and would ache if I stood on them for even a little bit of time. I didn't think too much of it, however, since a lot of women experience swollen feet. Then last weekend, I went on a church group retreat and noticed that along with my feet and ankles, my hands, arms, legs and face were a little more puffy than normal. I figured this was from bad sleep on a bunk bed and breaking my normal routine. My OB thought differently however when I saw her on Tuesday (the 29th). After taking my usual blood pressure and urine sample, they realized that I had developed pre-eclampsia, an uncommon and dangerous pregnancy related sickness which if left untreated can lead to seizures, stroke, liver failure and sometimes death. The next step was to see just how bad this was. Since I was almost 37 weeks, if there was a way of waiting out delivery, she wanted to do that. So she sent me home on bedrest for the following day and told me to take a 24 hour urine test, so they could conclude how bad my pre-eclampsia was. On Thursday, I dropped of the urine, went to work and received a call from the hospital asking me to come in for a followup blood pressure test. They said my protein in my urine was a little too high for their liking, but if I could withstand a 2 hour blood pressure test (while resting) they would prescribe bedrest. After this test, my OB came in, and I knew right away she wasn't going to send me home. "If we wait and see how your pre-eclampsia develops, things could be much worse, and to be honest, I think we should get the show on the road and induce".
If you've talked to me about my pregnancy and hopes for birth, you'll know that I very much wanted to do things as naturally as possible and let my body do it's thing, and let baby come when she wanted to come. The idea of induction was upsetting to me. It messed with "my plan" and "my control". But I also had done my own share of research and I knew that pre-eclampsia was not something you really wanted to mess with. And more than that, I had picked my OB for a reason, and I did trust her judgement. As much as I didn't want to be induced, I knew it would be safest for me and baby. So they got me settled into my L&D room and Caleb met up with me, bringing our half packed hospital bag. I had planned on having everything ready by this weekend. I think this is an important point for one reason. I am, at my heart, a planner and a controller. I was upset about induction and was stressed that I still had things that I "had to get done" before baby came. Thankfully, Caleb, among other people in my life, reminded me that ultimately God is in control and I can trust that he's going to take care of us. He would provide and give strength, and I wouldn't get through labor without trusting that. Again, it's funny, that if I had been pregnant "in the olden days" I may very well had died in childbirth. There was nothing about my pregnancy, my labor, or Lydia's life, that was ever in my control.
So, Thursday night I started something to help soften my cervix, since I was not yet effaced all the way. I had this twice. Along with this they monitored my blood pressure, taking it every half hour. This made for a very restless night. At four in the morning, the on-call doctor said that my cervix was softened enough that we could begin the pitocin. I was nervous and shaky, knowing that labor with pitocin was often times much more painful and intense. However, I was still determined to do things as natural as I could. They started me on a low level, that was still able to talk through. Caleb and I joked a bit and practiced how he would help me when things got worse. Every half hour, they up'd the pitocin and I could definitely feel it when they did. With each half hour, the contractions required much more of my focus. No joking any more, just breathing and swaying on the birthing ball. When the pitocin was at an 8, they said my body was working well with it and having consistent contractions and they would keep it at this level. I was glad, because it was very intense, and didn't want to imagine what it would feel like if they were stronger. Eventually, the birthing ball was no longer a comfort. It was taking all my energy to get through the contractions and focus on relaxing and not on the pain. At 7am, the staff changed shifts and the new nurse recommended transforming the bed into an armchair position so that I could focus on relaxing my arms and legs, and not have to hold myself up anymore. This was helpful in getting through the contractions....for a short while.
At 8am, my OB came in and said that I was almost dilated to a 4 and that my blood pressure was still high. She wanted to break my water to speed things along so that I was at less risk of seizures if I had a long labor. At hearing this, I knew I had to make a decision. I knew that if I had my water broken, that the contractions would be even more intense than they currently were, and they were already hard to focus through. I also knew that my blood pressure was high as she said... Again, I trusted her judgement, but I didn't know how much I could trust my pain tolerance. Determined to not get an epidural, I asked if there were other options to help my with the pain management. She mentioned a drug, Demerol, that would not take away the pain, but would take the edge off and help me relax. This sounded like a good alternative, considering I could no longer keep on top of the current contractions and could not imagine being able to get through it once my water was broken (pitocin was intense). So my OB broke my water and gave me the Demerol. I felt the contractions before the drug kicked in and they were pretty intense, but once the Demerol started working, I noticed that my nerves and fears subsided and I was able to rest in between contractions and do nothing but focus during them. I'm sure this helped my blood pressure remain more stable as well.
After this, things really started picking up. I completely lost track of time. My dear friend/doula, Crystal, came shortly after my water broke, and from then on, it was focus focus focus. I held one of Caleb's hands and one of Crystals and when the contractions came, I would squeeze, Crystal calmly reminding me to breathe, and the both of them applying counter pressure to my back labor pain with their free hand. When I was dilated to a 7 or 8, I started to self doubt, saying "I don't think I can do this" and "I think I might need an epidural". As requested, Caleb lovingly and discretely informed the nurse to ignore me. And its funny, because in the back of my mind, I was graciously given the reminders of what Caleb and I had practiced and knew deep down that if I was doubting myself and ability to get through this, then I must be close to pushing.
I was closer than i thought. Before I knew it I was dilated to a 9.5 and they were turning the bed from a chair position back into bed position, they informed me they were getting the stirrups out, and it this point, I didn't care what position I pushed in, I just wanted to get her out! I wasn't dilated to a 10 yet, but I knew it as soon as they came....I was having pushing contractions. My OB told me to wait, but I didn't know how I could. I tried, but it felt like I was fighting against my body. Eventually, I got the go-ahead (and may have pushed a little before then as well). I was still incredibly focused and calm and just heard the loving voice of my friend Crystal telling me to breathe, to hold my breath, to push. I could hear Caleb asking to deliver our baby, and our OB filling him in on what to do. I could feel her head coming down, coming out, and then the rest of her body as my husband delivered her. I saw my baby and immediately forgot all about the pain. I was overcome with joy and love. My husband handed her to me and I couldn't stop saying how much I loved her and how beautiful she was.
Lydia Eleanor Bales was born Feb. 1st, 2013, at 10:54am. I was in labor for 7hrs, pushed for under 15minutes (which is pretty nice, although it was an intense ride the whole time). She is beautiful and I can't get over what a blessing she is in our lives already. She weighed 6.3lbs at birth and 19.5inches long.
John 16:20-24- Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.
